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you? Humans only worship what they've suffered for. So, have them, for example, somersault over sawhorses, or never change their underwear, or anoint the backs of each ear with herb garlic cream cheese, or send $17.50 out of every paycheck to Reynaldo's Hands Free Car Wash, Hermosa Beach, California. Have fun! Be creative! They'll worship you for the therapeutic struggle and denial you've found them worthy of undertaking. John Lennon said it best in 1970: "God is a concept by which we measure our pain."Word to the wise god: give up that scent of Old Spice or Brut or Axe Body Spray or Liz Taylor's Passion or crushed Gardenias, in favor of incense and sandalwood.Finally, to successfully spread the one true Word to the faithful as well as all those potential converts out there, write down everything you've said, and everything anybody else ever thought you said, and leave copies in hotel room nightstands. Then, place your likeness on everything you can: prayer cards, candles, medallions, ponchos, corkscrews, baby shoes, placemats, belt buckles, keychains, ties, sweatbands, coverlets, mittens, lunchboxes, wristwatches, sneakers, diapers, baseball caps, gift wrap, soda fountain glasses, money clips, radial tires, bottle openers, box cutters, pencils, beanies, water bottles, bumper stickers, disposable lighters, an exclusive line of ladies lingerie, prayer rugs, fanny packs, lottery tickets, kneepads, novelty pens, handbags, toilet cakes, and authentic souvenirs from your birthplace. Stay focused, and soon your godship will be all present, everywhere, all the time, just like all those other so called gods.How to beat those airline chargesFar from reaching breaking point, however, customers continue flocking towards the no frills model. This year, we've seen Michael O'Leary abolish airport check in and threaten to fit credit card swipes to toilet doors, but passengers seem ready to forgive him as long as fares keep falling. And fall they do. This year, Ryanair expects to carry 67 million passengers at an average fare of just 32.While extras may be rationalised by cheaper fares, however, most of us would clearly prefer not to have to pay them in the first place.1 Buy