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over 100 lbs during our marriage. In her mind, she has tried everything to help me adopt a healthier life style but I have been unable to do it. She feels that if I had really loved her, I would have worked harder on this important task and I must not care for her or our child (also setting a bad example for the kid) to allow my appearance to get out of hand. (for the record, she really did try hard to influence me but I could not sustain the efforts). Thus I know I have failed to satisfy her needs and I almost don t feel I have a right to expect fidelity since I have sabotaged our marriage what a mess. I owe her!!?The only good news, of late (about 6 to 8 months ago) I have woken up (maybe too late for this relationship) and have been making steady improvement in my health and have lost 1/3 of my goal weight loss in the last 6 months, eating right, exercising and it is working for the 1st time in my life. I am encouraged!!1) I am unsure if I should confront her about the affair and request that it stops now. I honestly don t know if she will agree/deny affair, I am afraid to bring it up because I am afraid of the answer. I am not good at delivering ultimatums.2) 2) I am not sure if I should divorce her or stay in the marriage to try and work it out. I could forgive if I knew that we can start anew. Divorce is expensive and we could be more financially secure together than apart (assets, retirement programs etc).3) I suspect she may want an open marriage since she could get her intimacy needs met elsewhere,, but security of our marriage and probably wants me to do similarly for a twisted win/win. I